A Beautiful Life

I have been putting off writing a new blog post because there has been too much to say, and I am afraid that I won't be able to express what has been happening in the way that I would like. Well, here is my best attempt.

November started off great, we were all really looking forward to our thanksgiving trip to yosemite. We were going to be heading to yosemite a few days before the holiday and staying through the weekend. Brandon's parents, sister, brother and their spouses, plus his sisters aging dog "bear" and the three of us were all to descend on the same cabin we stayed in 2 thanksgivings ago. However, during the long drive up to yosemite Charles became ill and when we all arrived we were all very concerned about how Charles was feeling. Charles had been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer several years ago and had been fighting it like a champ the whole time.

Charles rarely complained about the effects of the chemo or the pains of cancer. Although Charles had started receiving hospice care about a couple of months before the trip we all thought he had several good months left. After all he was mowing the lawn the week before we left for yosemite! So, when Charles began to feel really sick, we began to realize that he may not have as much time as we had hoped.

Although it was incredibly sad and painful to watch Charles not feel well and to see the cancer really take a hold of him in a way that none of us had seen before, we all tried to make the week a memorable one and enjoy being together as a family. And we did. It was paradoxically one of the hardest weeks and one of the best at the same time. I think we all realized how much support and love can be found in our relationships with each other, and that we are all incredibly lucky to have each other.

It was a week of accidents and mishaps: numerous glasses of wine and champagne spilled/broken/ accidentally thrown in people's faces, Bear diarrarheing on the floor just as we sat down for thanksgiving dinner, a mouse scampering through the kitchen and across Sandy's feet, the power going out from a wind storm, Brandon spilling hot candle wax on himself....the list of craziness goes on and on. Through it all we laughed hysterically and tried to put on brave faces as we knew that Charles' time was winding down and that we would need laughter and strength to get through the coming weeks.

Yosemite was absolutely breathtaking and I find it to be such a restorative and peaceful place. Kellen was in heaven there! So many people to play with him, being outside and exploring nature. It was a beautiful week that I will never forget ( I will post pictures from yosemite and the holidays in my next post.)

When we returned home Charles began receiving 24 hour hospice care as we were told that he only had a matter of days. We were all shocked. Charles had done such a great job of living life as normal, that it was easy to think that he would just live with cancer for the rest of our lives. Logically we all realized that is a ridiculous thing to think, but Charles made it easy for us to believe that. He was still as helpful and headstrong as ever in the weeks leading up to this. He became so ill, so quickly- we were shaken by the progression of his cancer. We all banded together and tried to be with him as much as we could and to keep him as comfortable as possible.

I will never forget the last time I was with Charles before he passed. I had brought Kellen to his bedside to say goodnight and he reached up to hug Kellen with such a peaceful and content look on his face and he said "Kellen, I love you, it's okay." and I said "goodnight Charles, have a good nights sleep, we'll see you in the morning." and we went home in anticipation of being able to spend more time together in the morning. However, after being home for about 20 minutes we got the call that Charles had passed away (12-2-09).

As this is my blog post I don't want to speak for how others were feeling during this time but I can say with certainty that all of us feel incredibly fortunate to have had Charles in our lives. He was an absolutely wonderful father and family man. His family always came first and I know from being married to his son that he modeled to Brandon how to be an amazing father and husband. His kindness and concern for his family was unshakeable and constant. Charles will always have a very special place in my heart. He helped Brandon and I so many times, in so many ways, often without being asked and always with a smile. The love that he had for Kellen will always bring Brandon and I joy and make us wish that they had a lot more time together. He was a loving grandfather and he took so much pleasure from witnessing Kellen's milestones and would often proudly point out his many baby talents. Although their time together was relatively brief I know that they both impacted each other's lives in ways that can't be measured.

It is very difficult for me to know that the sadness I am feeling is even greater for Brandon and his family. I wish there was something I could do to make it all better, but obviously there isn't. We have been finding comfort in spending time together and in remembering Charles.

There was a beautiful memorial service at Fort Rosecrans (12/21/09) and it was so nice to honor Charles in that way. The eulogy that Brandon and his brother delivered was very touching and the love that they have for their Dad was beautiful to witness. He loved being in the Navy and to have the military bestow upon him the honor of the color guard, gun salute and the presenting of the flag to Sandy was very moving and dignified and just what Charles wanted.

Needles to say the holidays this year were strange without Charles but I think we all took joy in watching Kellen experience Christmas and in the renewed faith in our familial bonds.

Here are some of my favorite pictures of Charles:

Charles you are so loved and missed. You can rest assured that Kellen will never forget his beloved Grandpa! We love you!